I am working as a church secretary these days. Yep, queen of the church newsletter, master of the weekly bulletin. Door locker, phone answerer, copy machine trouble-shooter, and occasional preacher. I will add this to my already-impressive repertoire of random church skills like thermostat installer, hardwood floor refinisher, and boiler expert. Being a pastor can be mega-glamorous. “MEGA!” she says with vigor.
Recent conversation I had with the church custodian over the phone:
Me: You won’t believe it. My car won’t start.
Custodian: Bummer! What’s going on?
Me: I don’t know. My battery is drained, or something. Can you come over and jump me?
Custodian: (slight pause) I don’t think you should ask me that.
Me: (lengthier pause) O, have mercy. Sorry…
Swear to God. That’s what I said. I asked the custodian to jump me.
In other news, I gained 6 lbs in Italy. Any day now I’m going to start running. Soon and very soon I will shed these delightful prosciutto and gelato inspired layers, but in case you had not heard, Seattle is in the throes of an arctic freeze. I am considering getting a pet penguin. Wee Penguin and I can take up arctic sports and together trim down. Could be more viable than running. I’ll keep you posted.
I'm sure you're making all the other churches envious. Soon, an M.Div. will be a standard requirement for being a church secretary. You can do the bulletin, and then perform a baptism. Perfect!
ReplyDeleteP.S. We miss you in Philadelphia. It's raining more, in solidarity with Seattle.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I had to find a church secretary quote:
ReplyDelete"As God as my witness, they said, We're above the law. There's nothing you can do to us. You're just a church secretary."
~Jessica Hahn, former church secretary for televangelist Jim Bakker
Lovely to have you back. Does this mean you are a Seattle resident again? We'll be up there in a couple weeks...
ReplyDeleteLove to have you back. And LOVE the quote narbster posted. :)
ReplyDelete