Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Return of the Vicar

I am working as a church secretary these days. Yep, queen of the church newsletter, master of the weekly bulletin. Door locker, phone answerer, copy machine trouble-shooter, and occasional preacher. I will add this to my already-impressive repertoire of random church skills like thermostat installer, hardwood floor refinisher, and boiler expert. Being a pastor can be mega-glamorous. “MEGA!” she says with vigor.

Recent conversation I had with the church custodian over the phone:

Me: You won’t believe it. My car won’t start.

Custodian: Bummer! What’s going on?

Me: I don’t know. My battery is drained, or something. Can you come over and jump me?

Custodian: (slight pause) I don’t think you should ask me that.

Me: (lengthier pause) O, have mercy. Sorry…

Swear to God. That’s what I said. I asked the custodian to jump me.

In other news, I gained 6 lbs in Italy. Any day now I’m going to start running. Soon and very soon I will shed these delightful prosciutto and gelato inspired layers, but in case you had not heard, Seattle is in the throes of an arctic freeze. I am considering getting a pet penguin. Wee Penguin and I can take up arctic sports and together trim down. Could be more viable than running. I’ll keep you posted.